4 years ago, i promised myself i would never purposely inflict pain on myself again. fast forward to last year when i turned back to the one thing i kept away from myself. after that one time, i promised myself again. i promised to never purposely inflict lim on myself again. then fast forward to now. it’s the second day i’ve done it. the thirty third day since i last saw you and the eleventh day since i’ve properly spoken to you.

i’ve cried myself to sleep for the past few weeks. i’ve been praying for you to get better. i’ve been wishing it was me and not you.

i’ve never missed someone so much. i’ve never loved someone so much. i never thought i would. but now i do and it’s the best and worst feeling in the world.

you have no idea how hard it is not to think about you. how hard it is not to text you every single minute of the day. how hard it is to know that you don’t care about how this is affecting me.

i know it’s selfish, but since you’re treating me this way, do you really love me?